Bittersweet Me

2007

2007-01-03T17:03:00.000+01:00

Almost four months since my last post. I hadn't planned continue writing here. Four months and my heart still aches. Not in the same way and not all the time. The emptyness is worst I think. It's so fucking empty around me, in so many ways.

2007 will be better. It has to be.

What to come

2006-09-16T02:02:00.000+02:00

I felt blue and alone then, and I had absolutely no idea of what to come. If I had new that things would come to an end I wouldn't have been surprised. But the rest...oh my. Things were bad a lot. Things were good too. Last month and a half was chaos. There is a person that likes me a lot, maybe loves me, but wont see me because of how things are. Devestation. Never expected that one.

Blue and alone

2006-03-13T12:56:00.000+01:00

I feel so blue and alone
You had fire in your eyes
And magic was in your touch...

Not quite like the rest of the song, but I felt kind of lonely and kind of blue when I got on the train yesterday. Funny feeling.

Time for an update

2006-02-12T19:52:00.000+01:00

Updating this thing isn't my strongest side. I don't know if anyone really reads this. Well T., maybe you? Anyone else? So I try to concentrate on the Swedish one. Anyway what's happening in my life? Not much really. Still at the Department of Teachers Training (the English name sounds so silly). It's going pretty well, but it's so much one should think of to become that great teacher you want to be. I've been dating too. Not much though. Time, money and distance. Complicated stuff, but oh so nice too! Warm naked skin. Kissing. Ah. I've planned two concerts so far: Lisa Ekdahl and then The Cardigans. I'm hoping for some company to Kaizers Orchestra too, but I don't know... A lot of nice new music in my stereo too, and it's lovely! Right now I have to make myself a late dinner, and then I'm going to do something useful for an hour before enjoying Six Feet Under on TV.

Happy new year!

2005-12-31T15:09:00.000+01:00

I'm gonna have dinner with my brother and then spend this winter evening alone with the cat. Kind of boring maybe, but really nice and calm in one way. Haven't been all by myself like that for the last week and a half or something. Have been working this week too, and it took a lot of energy. Especially yesterday since it was snowstorm...

I hope your evening and the year to come will be a really good one!

Sandra

This years harvest

2005-12-04T03:06:00.000+01:00

R.E.M., Globen 31/1
Anna Ternheim, Katalin 9/2
Elin Sigvardsson , Södra Teatern 10/3
Ane Brun, Katalin 15/3
Profesora, Jens Lekman, Ane brun, Popaganda 27-28/5
Anna Ternheim, Moneybrother, The Ark, Uppsala Outdoor 18/6
Anna Ternheim, The Ark, Lars Winnerbäck & Hovet, Gatufesten 7/7
Lars Winnerbäck & Hovet + Mikael Wihe, Skansen 11/8
Jenny Wilson + Bishop Allen, Kalmar nation 16/9
Frida Hyvönen + David Sandström, Katalin 11/10
Tomas Andersson Wij, Göta Lejon 25/10
Hello Saferide, Kalmar nation 28/10
Deportees, Hello Saferide, Anna Ternheim, Access All Areas 9/11
Fugees, Hovet 3/12

And I'm considering one more Frida Hyvönen plus Ed Harcourt. Don't know about the price for the first one and tickets plus company for the second.

(Oh my god, I don't even want to think about how much money all those gigs are. Ok, it may not seem a lot to you but gigs are mostly quite expensive and I'm poor.)

My mission

2005-11-22T11:28:00.000+01:00

Yesterday two more women became fans of the lovely Ani DiFranco.
Thanks to me.

Welcome To:

2005-11-20T21:23:00.000+01:00

Winter. It's here now. It snowed. Not much left of the little that came though. Just a little frosty. I've been sitting here all day. Well, since I got up at least. I've not been studying. I really should do that now. And then have a cup of tea and a shower before I go to bed. Got a lecture at eight tomorrow morning. Oh, that's right, I got to call Linn about our exercise this coming week. Yaaaawn.

Winter

2005-11-18T22:13:00.000+01:00

It's on it's way. No snow yet but the cold is getting a grip of this part of the world now. I should have washed my windows before it got below zero. Of course I didn't even though I thought about it. Well, well... Gotta do it anyway.

A lot has happened since last time I wrote, not just that I haven't washed my windows. I did some stuff I've never did before. Now again, haha! Related to the last time. Anyway, it was fun...and nice. Don't know where it'll take me though.

Flightplan

2005-11-03T22:04:00.000+01:00

Saw it. Liked it. Ah, Jodie.
And Blogger wont let me post a picture right now...

Found

2005-10-04T21:51:00.000+02:00

The one I missed...I got a message from her. Good to know she's still alive. And Saturday was indeed a strange day. In one way not at all, but still...yeah it's strange. Today I've been to school - introduction to the communication course. And I've been to boxercise class. My body is really tired but at least I didn't feel like passing out and/or vomiting like I felt like last time.

One of the strangest days

2005-10-02T17:23:00.000+02:00

Yesterday was. In one way at least.

My last post seems kind of confused. All I ment was that I miss her and wonder why she doesn't answer any of my messages. I don't know if you read this, but I do think you got the address to this English version once. I realized that after writing that post.

Yesteday I made a little trip to another city (two actually) and met a person I've never met before. I've done things like that before, but this was somewhat different. It was good, but it's a risk it'll get complicated. Of course. Then, on my way home, I got a poem from a guy at the train. That was bizarre. Obviously I had inspired him to write it. He slipped me a note where he explained that and had written down a poem about how beautiful I was. Made me smile and laugh.

Missing

2005-09-23T19:47:00.000+02:00

You know, I really miss her... I don't know why I miss her so much when I do miss her, but I do. All those hours of chatting a long time ago created something special. And it continued from there. At least I think so. Realised I haven't seen her for almost six months now, and we haven't been in touch (well, I've tried) since June.

Punk kids

2005-09-17T23:59:00.000+02:00

Punk kids are cute. The swedish movie "Tjenare kungen" was very good and I almost cried. No, it was not sad. I was just moved. My friends laughed at me. The movie takes place in 1984 when two girls starts a band.

Hey

2005-09-02T01:31:00.000+02:00

Is it anyone out there?

Should I?

2005-08-28T16:51:00.000+02:00

Should I keep that top I bought and will I ever find a black skirt to go with it? Should one really wear black and really dark colours at a wedding? Do I care? It's fall now, isn't it? Darker colours should be allowed. Why doesn't my grandmother Hanna's old necklace really match the top? And the other top/t-shirt I bought, what's the deal with that one? And I really didn't see L. until she was right before me on the street. God, I need to focus.

And should I? Not worry and just let it go.

Darkness

2005-08-27T14:37:00.000+02:00

It's dark at nine o'clock in the evening! Last days of August. School starts again on Tuseday for me. Soon it's officially fall. It can still be pretty warm and sunny, if we're lucky. But it's fall and that's mostly depressing. I didn't have enough of summer. Last month and a half was too much rain and cold. Not constantly, but I needed more of that really warm weather. Now it's only getting darker, and I don't know if I'm ready for it. What happened to those days in June when it never got really dark at all? It can be cosy with this August darkness too, sure, but it still feels horrible.

Thursday, took the train down here again. Made sure that that old politics thing was handed in. Friday, tried to study but ended up looking for a dress for the wedding of Erika & John. Went to dinner at Linn's place. Saturday, today, should be studying. Slept really late. Will do laundry. Dinner out with Lena and co. Sunday, tomorrow, will study and perhaps look for dress with Lena. Meet Emelie for coffee.

And I'm also wondering if I'm getting into something I really shouldn't get into. But hey, they say we only live once.

Party

2005-08-08T02:19:00.000+02:00

Saturday I went to a summerparty/weddingparty (without the actual wedding) and had a very nice time. I ate a lot of great food, actually wore a dress (a black one that i like), took care of some competitive activities, aaaaand...I sang karaoke (so help me god) together with the bride and some other people. After 5-6 songs or something I gave up after a slaughter of Like A Virgin, hehe.

Gotta sleep now.

Nap

2005-07-25T17:03:00.000+02:00

I'm cold and now I'm going to take a well deserved nap while waiting for someone to fix some dinner.

Sweet memories

2005-06-20T00:20:00.000+02:00

One of the gigs last night kind of became a trip down memory lane. I hadn't seen The Ark, with their singer Ola Salo, since 2001. I listened a lot to their first album that summer and I have some great memories from two gigs. I also have some memories that aren't quite that happy. A little more heavy, some of it. Some of the songs ment a lot to me. Sure I've listened to them since, but it was very intense there for a while and like I said I hadn't seen them live since then.

I had almost forgotten about that man's torso, hehehe.

Summer

2005-06-09T16:25:00.000+02:00

Today it's summer weather. Lovely. It was warm a couple of weeks ago but it has been really cold and boring lately. Today it's over 20 degrees and it's wonderful. Windy though. And I haven't had time to be outside much today. Slept too long (I fall asleep around three or four in the morning and wake up around 12.30 or something) and then I've been cleaning and that kind of stuff.

Went home to my parents over the weekend. My brother had come home for the summer too. I went to this reunion thing too. My class (and all classes from my school that year and all schools around the city) from when i was 15-16 years old. That is 9th grade here, and the last year of grundskolan which all children has to go through. The last three years of grundskolan is called högstadiet. Then it's gymnasiet, kind of like high school. And that's up to each and everyone. Most people go through it though nowadays. Anyway, it was a ten years anniversery thing. Not even half of the people showed up but it was fun to see some people from my class, and some old friends and friends of other friends. Met some people from my class from gymnasiet too. The party in itself wasn't that great though. But...it was kind of how I had expected it to be. Met a childhood friend too (that went to my school in högstadiet but we were really good friends when we were 6-10 years old or so, and we were neighbours) and it was really fun talking to her.

So, I'm still waiting for a time for my essay seminar. This man and his rules... I should be finising some old papers but I'm to tired to do it. Need to though. Soon. But right now, I'm going to clean my windows and then buy some food for dinner.

Yeah, and I'm going to this hen-party/bridal shower or whatever you like to call it. We call it möhippa. My friend E. is getting married later this summer but the shower is Saturday. None of this silly embarrassing stuff, but a little "girlie". It'll be fun though. Some boxercise, picknick, her recording a song in a studio and getting a make-up and party with more food and drinks. I've never been to a bridal shower before. And not a wedding either since i was 10½ and my parents got married. My friend S. recently got married though, but with only the closest family members there and then they went straight to Paris. They'll have a wedding party this summer though. Oh my... At least no one's having kids yet! (Old schoolfriends yes, but none of my close friends. Except one, but she's older than me and allready had a two-yearold when we got to know eachother.) For E.'s shower I'm going to prepare some pasta sallad together with two of her friends that I don't know (but they know eachother). Can be interesting.

And next week I'm thinking about going to see Robyn's gig at Katalin. You know she's more than just her teenage hits from the middle 90's. Not a favorite of mine, but it could be fun. The weekend after I'm going to see Anna Ternheim, The Ark and Moneybrother. I can't wait to see Ternheim play again. Ahh. :)

Now: windows.

Ring

2005-06-01T14:03:00.000+02:00

This is a (pretty bad) picture of the cool ring I bought when H. and I visited Street. www.streetinstockholm.se

Finished

2005-05-31T19:32:00.000+02:00

It's finished! The essay is finished! Just waiting for a seminar now... God it feels strange. And I have so many other things to do... But still, I'm done with it!

Yay

2005-05-23T20:18:00.000+02:00

Yay 1. The Essay is soon to be finished. Got some really nice comments on it. Still some work to do though and I'm worried I won't get a seminar before the summer.

Yay 2. My St. Paulia is blooming again. I'm not a person with "green fingers" so this is really good. Especially since my new pelargonium/geranium, or whatever you like to call it, has been really pretty too.

Almost

2005-05-21T17:01:00.000+02:00

I'm almost there. It's almost finished. Had a marathon of excessive writing the other night. Think I'm still suffering from it. Didn't do much yesterday and haven't done much today either. Gonna go to L. and watch the Eurovision Songcontest later on. Eat some chips and drink som beer.

I'm listening to this lovely bootleg I got from this girl earlier this week. It's from one of my biggest concert experiences ever. Lars Winnerbäck at Göta Lejon in Stockholm, October 29th 2001. A wonderful gig, an amazing feeling!

It feels so long ago though. I was falling in love with D. at that time. Think I fell out of love little too quick there, but it became such a long story anyway. I met my friend K. for the first time that night of the gig. Had talked a lot online, but never met. And I "dissed her a dark Stockholm night" as she later said.

It was an interesting time that year and the next one. A hard time too. It's not always nice to look back at actually. I skip those pages while looking through my old diary.

Oh my god, I love this bootleg! I think I wanna kiss the person who gave it to me.

Eating me up

2005-05-17T16:21:00.000+02:00

Stress is eating me up today. The Essay needs to be finished. Now. My first case takes so fucking much time and energy it's going to feel like a relief when it's done. Which was supposed to be last night. FUCK! And I'm tired. I can't focus. I can't concentrate. I don't eat much. Last thing I need is someone else's stress. Someone else's "me, me, me". I don't have the energy for that rollercoster of yours. I don't want to hear that I'm giving you a hard time. You, you, you. I don't like that black or white rollercoster. I have different shades of gray.

But you don't read this. And I'm not sure I even care.

Monica Zetterlund

2005-05-14T16:01:00.000+02:00

Such a beautiful voice. Such a cool woman. Such a beauty.
So sad her life had to end like this.

Cold again

2005-05-03T13:23:00.000+02:00

It feels like I'm getting a cold again. My throat hurts. I do not have time for this. Fuck. I even sneezed before. Better clean my apartment, it wont get better from all the dust here. Third time this semester, damn!

Met L. today and her foot is pretty ok, considering. It was a very fine fracture and she'll get a new cast in a few days. We're counting on it to be ok until Hultsfred and Ani.

Got to finish my theory chapter now...

Valborg

2005-05-02T01:37:00.000+02:00

Valborg - last of April.

Started the day around lunch with some sill. Then got drunk and got champagne in my hair, on my clothes and in my stomach/head. Did some serious headbanging and due to that, my neck hurts. L. wrestled with M. and broke her foot. Another friend (in another city) got married and went to Paris, I got an sms. Went to a greek restaurant and then to another L. Had some more to drink. Went out. Too much people everywhere. Went home. Talked on the phone. Fell asleep.

Surreal. And now our trip to see Ani is in serious danger. Maybe it's totally off.

This weekend

2005-04-25T00:10:00.000+02:00

Friday: Went to poweryoga class. The girl we didn't like the last time. I knew that but I felt a need to exercise. Did a very nice tree too, I surprised myself. Got home. Were tired, tried to study. Watched TV and I suspect that I talked on the phone later on. Don't really remember, but I think so.

Saturday: Got up late. Went for a long walk with Linda in Stadsskogen. Looked for springflowers. Found blåsippor but just one lousy vitsippa. Too early. Got back. Bought some food. Worked on the essay a little. Time flew. Ate, showered, got dressed and went to Lena. Had wine, cheese and a good time with her, Malin and Lina. Three of us went out later and it was fun. Very nice night.

Sunday: Got up late. Talked to someone online I think. Listened to music. Went downtown to meet Lena, Malin and Magnus for a movie. It was "the big movie day" which means, half price at the movies. We saw The Interpreter. Very good and exciting. I had some issues with some aspects of it though, but liked it very much despite that. Walked home in the sunshine. Ate some stuff I found in the fridge. Worked on the essay for a while. Had enough. Went to Lena and watched the finals of Fame Factory and ate more cheese and frozen cheesecake. Took a walk home and since then I've been working...and checking unnecessary stuff on the net. Talked a little to a friend too...I think I annoyed her a little. Right now...I don't know if I care.

Tiresome

2005-04-20T23:06:00.000+02:00

I'm so fucking tiresome sometimes. Frustrating. I'm so restless. Someone please shoot me.

In/on my mind

2005-04-19T02:15:00.000+02:00

"Oh, how sweet a girl like you can be...when she tries."

Procrastinating

2005-04-18T13:12:00.000+02:00

"Maybe you should have the tag 'professional procrastinator'?" Yeah, maybe I should. Or maybe I really should deal with it now? Mhm, I think so.

I love this picture.

Rat

2005-04-08T19:07:00.000+02:00

I saw a rat yesterday. Not a mouse, a rat. Fascinating. I don't think I've ever seen one. Not out in the wilderness. This "wilderness" was between the houses at the end of Sysslomansgatan when I was biking home from Linn late last night. Linn got her bike stolen earlier this week so we fixed her a "bike corpse" at the "bike graveyard" at her friend's house and got it back to her place to fix it up. A pretty nice blue old thing. And I heard today that it's rolling.

Today I woke up too late. Since then I've been taking care of my home a little. Done the dishes from the last couple of days, ironed quite a lot of clothes and fixed some other stuff. Now it's time to go to the store and buy whatever it was I was going to buy. Then I have to study... I really want to see my essay finished now.

Update

2005-03-20T22:58:00.000+01:00

So, what's new? Hm, not much really.

I've been working on my essay. It's mostly been going very very slow. Yet ok in some way, I guess. Started planning the next one too, so I really need to finish the prostitution one really really soon.

I've been to a couple of concerts. First Elin Sigvardsson at Södra Teatern in Stockholm and then Ane Brun at Katalin. Canadian Wendy McNeill opened for Ane and she was great. Ane was fabulous. I also saw author/comedian Jonas Gardell's latest show a couple of weeks ago. It' was good but not a favorite if I should compare to the earlier I've seen. He's still a favorite of mine though and I'm looking forward to the last book in the trilogi somewhat based on his own youth in Sweden of the 70's.

Yeah, and a religious guy that was in the same course as I last semester ment that god has talked to him about me, and a story followed. I didn't exactly appreciate his move and told him that too. He apologized and I told him a deeper explanation, but no further dialogue about it, would follow. Haven't sent him that explanation yet though. Not in the top of my priority list right now.

Next weekend is Easter and I'll be going back home for some days. Spending time with my brother, with my parents (for a day or two when they've returned from the mountains) and a dear friend of mine. And my cat.

Pressure

2005-02-27T15:54:00.000+01:00

I've got a cold. It's no fun at all. Just hope it doesn't get worse. The pressure in my ears, it sucks. I feel like sleeping. I should be studying or cleaning. Played some guitar but I was to tired and it mostly sounded strange. The weather this weekend is totally schizo. Sun shining and the next minutes it's full snow storm.

Ani is coming to Hultsfred and I have to go. Rockfestival debut, haha. At least that kind of festival with camping and all you know. A couple of years ago I tried to camp at Storsjöyran but it ended up in an aparment anyway due to some evil thieves.

Went to a friend last night for some sushi and TV. It was very nice and we ended up watching Monty Pythons The Holy Graal. Hadn't seen it for years, but it's great! Nì!

Tomorrow

2005-01-30T18:41:00.000+01:00

Tomorrow it is. The concert. Hadn't thought about it that much (no matter what you think, ms. windeater) but this week it just got so close. Before that I was just excited about seing Anna Ternheim next week. It'll be great! :) Now I'm working my way through my R.E.M. albums to get in the right mood for tomorrow. My head is getting a little tired now though from the early eighties, haha. Should get back to the prostitution debate now. And I should call Hanna, make some dinner and do some laundry.

.

2005-01-29T20:05:00.000+01:00

to all the people out there tonight
who are comforting themselves
if you should happen to see my light
you can stop and ring my bell
i'm just sitting here in this sty
strewn with half written songs
taking one breath at a time
nothin much going on
nothin much going on

- ani d.

Lunch

2005-01-20T13:53:00.000+01:00

I actually had lunch today. Not out, but eating leftovers at home. And now I'm eating an apple. I felt like a good girl/grownup. And it was the third time this week that I got up before ten. And as soon as I got up I called the gym and made a reservation for poweryoga tomorrow. Then I made sure that the letter I wrote last night got where it should. It was about the (lack of) genderperspective on a certain course. There are rules about all courses having a gender perspective both in the teaching and in the litterature. This was about a litterature issue that has been a problem for a while.

You don't have to worry about me changing too much. I still fell asleep around three last night and I haven't done much studying yet today either. But I'll study hard for some hours now. Later I'll catch a movie with a friend and her friend. We'll probably see "Queen Sheba's Pearls".

Och för er som läser det här och kan svenska, jag har en svensk blog också som kanske känns mer avspänd. Fråga mig om adressen så får ni den.

New year

2005-01-09T01:05:00.000+01:00

New year, new possibilities and all that shit. I don't really do new year resolutions but I think I'll just continue on the track I'm allready on. Some small changes perhaps, but not any big resolutions. So what did I accomplish in the year of 2004? Well, I lost ten kilos and I feel pretty good about myself when it comes to that point. I did pretty well on all the courses i took. I need to hand in two more papers though. I handed in some old stuff and I'm very proud of that. I got started again with my sociology essay about the swedish prostitution debate. I went to some good gigs, I bought some good albums. And I actually got one of the two banana boxes that I've had under my bed for two years down to the basement. I've got scholarship money and used up my last semesters of student loans. I have made some new friends online, and with one of them I've had almost daily contact this fall and winter. Although my 'internet life' isn't what it once was and I'm quite happy with that. I've had good times with my 'ordinary', 'off-line' friends and I hope for many more to come this year.

So what happens next? I'll try to work hard and finish my essay soon. I have to. Then I'll start with another one and also study a course in musicology, popular music, and a course in philosophy, ethics from a feminist perspective. I'll have to make the essay(s) priority number one though. Pretty soon I'll see R.E.M. and I'm also planning on seing Anna Ternheim and Elin Sigvardsson. Also seriously thinking about going to Berlin for easter to see Ani.

The rain is pouring down but at least no real storms here as in the southwest. I'll go to bed now. Goodnight!

Tiaras

2004-12-19T00:26:00.000+01:00

Other cool girls in tiaras.

Miss Universum

Grynet

Birthdaygirl

2004-12-18T03:17:00.000+01:00

Ok, it's not my birthday until Tuseday...but still.

...

2004-12-16T03:13:00.000+01:00

"...för du sa man blir vacker om man följer sina drömmar".

Hej

2004-12-14T18:36:00.000+01:00

Today I've been studying, writing on my essay. I'll go and buy some milk now.

Gentleman

2004-12-13T11:05:00.000+01:00

Got a nurse to look at one of my scars this morning. One isn't looking as good as the others. Dancing to much saturday night/morning maybe? :P No, I knew that one would be trouble. The doctor had trouble with the sewing there and the nurse who took the stitches away had trouble there too. Anyway, this other nurse put a tape there to get it together a little.

When I got there and was taking my coat off to hang it up this old man hurried to give me a hanger. I guess he was done about the same time as me because he was there when I was getting my coat. Then he hurried to grab it to help me on with it. I think that it has only happened to me once, and that was at an italian restaurant in Gamla stan in Stockholm and that guy were payed to take peoples coats off and hang them up. ;) This wasn't a fancy old man in a suit or something either. I know how to dress myself but I smiled and said thanks anyway. Then I got the answer to why. "You have such a nice t-shirt on...and I have to show that I support it." I had a blue t-shirt with a print that says "FEMINIST". I smiled and said that that was good.

Exactly why I am a feminist, to get old men to help me with my coat... I wonder what he thought exactly. What his idea of feminism is. I hope he wasn't sarchastic, but I don't think he was. He was just trying to be nice. And it was kind of fun.

Should try to get some studying done now.

And yeah, it's Lucia today.

Gifts

2004-12-11T17:25:00.000+01:00

I spent around four hours running around different stores yesterday. I was just going to spend an hour down in the city centre i thought. I was going to get a film developed, I was going to check out some jeans and I was going to go to systemet to buy a bottle of wine. I couldn't decide about the jeans at first and when I finally did they were too long so I had to wait for them to fix it. At the photo shop they had to develop the film all over again since the machine had put dates on the front of all my pictures. And I ran around trying to find christmas gifts for friends an family, and I actually found some stuff. Today I've also been running around town together with Lena. Looking for more gifts. Hehe, ended up buying myself a skirt. Maybe I'll wear it tonight at this birthdayparty I am going to. A friend's friend turns twentyfive the day after my birthday, but she'll have the party now and at my friend's place. I'm sure it'll be fun but I don't know if there will be that much people I've met before. That makes me a little nervous. I'm also quite tired but I hope I'll feel more up to it after some food and a shower. Need to study a little too. *yawn* I think I'll try my skirt on now. (You can actually see a little of it on Indiska. Chose "Kvinna" and it's the black one with flowers on it that the woman in the first pic wears.)

Shower

2004-12-07T22:13:00.000+01:00

Soon I am going to take my first real shower in a week! I have been having some stitches on my body since last Tuseday (just got rid of some liverspots) and I wont get rid of them until Friday, but I should be able to take a real shower now. I hope it wont hurt. I have never experienced something like this before so I think it's quite interesting and fascinating, haha. It has been quite a procedure to bend over to wash my hair and still keeping the band aid-thing on my lower back in place. But it is peanuts anyway, it has been healing well. I think. And by the way, Sanna if you are reading this; you don't have to be jealous of the black thread anymore since I discovered that it is only the six stitches in my lower back that are black, the other ones are thinner and blue. ;)

Watch out...

2004-12-04T21:18:00.000+01:00

What stupid celebrity are you destined to kill? by daydreamer8852
Name
Birthdate
You killed
With a
On	March 22, 2013

Quiz created with MemeGen!

That song

2004-11-26T01:30:00.000+01:00

She's going to sing it. There will be a christmas concert. It will be the 18th. I have a train ticket to go up there the 19th. Yay...

Chords

2004-11-24T17:00:00.000+01:00

Some kind soul finally helped me with the chords to this song I've been going on about here lately. Not that difficult chords either, but it sounds like shit when I try to sing along. More shitty than usual actually.

Oh god, I'm so hungry. Got to make that tomato soup soon.

Tomorrow I'll be spending the afternoon in Stockholm. I'm going to fika myself through it. Fika is an excellent Swedish verb/substantive that I'm not going further into right now. Anyway, first I'm going to see my darling Krirri. It has been long time no see. Then I'm going to spend some time with another friend I haven't seen for a year either. Last time didn't end that good but it's a little different this time around. It'll be good even if I'm stressed out about school.

Friday I'll be going home to my parents. Should have been doing a road trip with two other people but due to some circumstances that wont be happening. I decided to still go there though, so I'll take the train. It's going to be nice with some change of environment and to see my parents, my cat and my Sandra. I'm going to have some coffee with her right when I get up there. Saturday I'll bake some lussekatter with my mother, mmm. It's first advent on Sunday and it's winter weather. Great. Wont have time for the glögg at Sandra's though, need to get back to Uppsala.

On Monday I'll be going to Stockholm again to spend some time with Hanna and to see Winnerbäck again! Then hurry back home again... Shit, I really need to work on my essay now and chose the articles so I can print them and take them with me up north to analyze them between eating lussekatter and pepparkakor.

Joyful Girl

2004-11-20T21:15:00.000+01:00

The December child in me feels really joyful today. Or maybe it's the fact that I am a norrlänning in the south. We have had this perfect winter weather for two days now, snow for three. The sun has been shining from a clear blue sky, no wind, a thick cover of snow on everything and -5 to -10 degrees. Perfect! Squeeking sound from the shoes while walking. It really is winter! I wish it could be like this through February. Skip the slush. Snow, or no snow at all. It feels kind of like Christmas.

Makes me think of last year when I went to a christmas concert with a friend. At first I couldn't find the church and it was really cold. We got a great seat in the church and we got to hear a favorite voice of ours. She had some other musicians with her and also a freaky author that kept having this monologues. Fun to do interpretations of him later though, hehe. I sat there thinking that I would probably not get to hear that song she did a couple of years earlier. That beautiful christmas song. And then she (they) did it as the last song.

"Snart kommer änglarna att landa,
snart står morgonen i brand..."

Winter

2004-11-19T21:00:00.000+01:00

Today was an absolutely beautiful winter day! We got quite a lot of snow yesterday and it is still here. Everything is covered in a soft layer of snow. It was no wind, wich is unusual for this city. The sun was shining and it was between -5 and -10 degrees. Absolutely beautiful! I got an sms from a friend around lunch saying "It's lovely weather, go for a walk if you haven't allready!".

I went for a walk. Had a long lunch with Kajsa from the anthropology courses. She talks even more than I do and we hadn't met since June. Took a walk home, got my training clothes and went back into town. Quite stressed, because the lock to my bike had freezed. Biked fast like hell and just got in time for the power yoga class. I really liked it!

Got Trust today too! But...I haven't got any dvd-player yet. Have to wait until I go home to my parents next weekend.

Otherwise "I just happen to feel so alone..."

Cold

2004-11-17T22:23:00.000+01:00

My knee hurts. It's not really my knee, it's on the inside and a bit lower. I streched something yesterday while trying to making some kicks at the boxercise. I really hope it will go away soon! It hurts when I walk in stairs, ride my bike uphills, try to sit with legs crossed (akimbo! hehe) and so on, and I have signed up to try power yoga on Friday...

This day started with a lunch with a friend. Some kind of curry pasta at one of the student nations. Cheap and ok. Went to school and actually sat there reading for four hours like a good student, haha! When I went home it was dark and just so fucking cold. At least it felt fucking cold. -3,5. Tomorrow snow chaos is to expect.

"Snart kommer änglarna att landa..."

Annoying

2004-11-16T01:20:00.000+01:00

A lot of stuff is annoying. I feel annoyed. This day went somewhat wrong somewhere this afternoon, but maybe it wasn't even good in the first place. Not really shitty, just fucking annoying. I'll just leave it at this.

Ordinary odd day

2004-11-13T17:14:00.000+01:00

I went to see Winnerbäck yesterday and it was so fucking great! I think it was the sixteenth time I saw him, ehum. I've seen him solo with an acoustic guitar before, but this is the first whole tour he does that way. The setlist was excellent and he was in a really good mood, talking and joking. As usual he looked a little embarrassed when getting standing ovations. The concert felt really intimate, at least in the third row where I sat. I hope my photos will turn out great. I'm a little worried about that actually.

I was going to go by myself and had sold the other ticket and all, but a friend's friend was going with some of her friends. They didn't have seats together either. I was invited to go with them and that was very nice. Had some beers afterwards and so.

Anna Ternheim was absolutely great too. Her voice is so strong and clear, her lyris so sad. It's just lovely! She almost hide in this big Winnerbäck hoodie.

Today I took a walk just about when the sun was setting. It was even colder outside than I had thought. Went to school and checked some exam results. I passed the quantitative sociological analysis. Good. Then when walking into the park I met Stina, a girl I went to school with when I was 13-18. Not in the same class, but we had some lessons together. Like French and English. I know that she also studies at the university here and I met her here a couple of years ago. Really fun to see her though! We stood there and talked for a while when this old lady in a red coat stopped and asked us if we knew who the statue a little further away was.

She didn't asked in a tourist way, she asked cause she wanted to make sure that we knew. I always think about that statue as Dag Hammarskjöld but it's not...it's Folke Bernadotte. The lady started talking about the importance of Bernadotte's efforts and knowing our history. I know who he was, I just didn't remember that he was the guy in the park. She continued talking about the white busses ("it was not just the prisoners you know, it was the women born in Sweden and their children.") and about that it was probably the only thing Sweden did during the war that we should be proud of. She's right. And I stood there freezing my legs off and it was getting really dark. The lady started walking away and kind of ended the conversation but then she started again, and she told us that she had a german father and a swedish mother. She had been living in Germany but had visited Sweden every summer since she was six weeks old. In the summer of 1943 they were suddenly not welcomed. I didn't really get the exact story, but she talked about coming to Denmark and being welcomed and then about beeing looked at like they were monkeys. When coming to Sweden with the busses maybe? And she talked about a change after 1945. I guess she ment that they were welcomed here then in a way. She said that she had no prejudices towards other people, that there are bad and good people amongst all people. And she ended it all by saying that it seems like our (mine and Stina's) generation seems to be better in that way that we have a greater understanding. We answered her that we hoped she was right.

I said bye to Stina and continued my walk, wich I shortened a little because I was freezing my ass off. At the other side of the old cemetary I met this little group of people all dressed up, marching with a flag with torches in their hands. People from some student nation visiting a nation grave I guess. Not an unusual sight in this town. Not like it happens everyday, but still. And still it feels odd, and it reminds me of the really traditional part of the student life here that I feel no connections to at all. You know, it's the non-academic working-/lower middleclass heritage that comes to the surface.

"And I find it useless, feeling meaningless
And just as low as I was high the night before..."

Grey

2004-11-10T13:41:00.000+01:00

It's really grey weather today. But it's not windy and it's not raining, so I guess it's ok. It's not that cold either. Not horrible, but boring.

I went to the gym yesterday, to a boxercise class. My body hurts all over today. I will be going back there in a few hours to get a gym introduction. Oh my. Feels good to be back on track though.

This Friday I'll see Lasse and Anna Ternheim. :) I'm going by myself since none of my friends could go (lack of time, lack of money or just lack of interest). I sold the other ticket to a shy little 15-yearold I found on the net. The concert will be great. I have a great seat and I wont care about anyone else, just enjoy the music. Hope I'll get some good photos too.

I think I need some coffee now, otherwise I'll fall asleep. Need to get some work done here.

November

2004-11-02T22:50:00.000+01:00

It's November now. The beautiful part of fall is over and the winter is here soon. This time can be so unmercifully cold, gray and rainy. A friend of mine said that one must try to come up with fun and interesting things to do this month, and I agree with her. It's important, so it's not just school and bad weather. But it's good to have a lot to do in school too.

Yesterday me and my friend went to a seminar at Stockholm university about working as a feminist within the parliament. It was interesting and afterwards we met a friend of mine for some coffee. Tomorrow me and that first friend might actually go to the gym. That will be the first time for oh so long.

I slept so bad last night. Early this morning I think my stomach woke up and tried to kill me. A revenge to some stress and a day with only sanwiches maybe. I hope I'll sleep better tonight and that I'll wake up tomorrow to a reality where George W Bush is no longer president of the U.S. (or is it the world?). Unfortunatly I doubt it will happen. It is exciting though. Exciting but frustrating.

The Freak

2004-10-28T23:45:00.000+02:00

Last night I stayed up way too long again despite the fact that I was very tired. Why? Last episode (692/692) of "Prisoner(: Cell Block H)" or in Swedish - Kvinnofängelset ("the womenprison", kind of). An australian show that originally ran from 1979-1987. A b-series really. It has been showed twice in Sweden, always late at night. It has recived a sort of cult status amongst the weirdos who watches it. It's so bad it's actually good. But it's not bad just like the ordinary shitty soaps, it has something. Selfirony and some kind of deeper stuff to sometimes. Anyway, Joan Ferguson - the Freak, is the show. The evil screw who is a very lonely dyke. She is so great, and lately she has been kind of human too. But now she finally got what she really deserved, once and for all. Oh, I hope they'll show it from the beginning, but maybe not so late at night (even if that's half the point.) I remember watching it late (but not that late)at friday- or saturdaynights, if i was home, when i was around 15-16. And then since when they started to show it again a couple of years ago I've watched it from times to times. It sure has something, in some absurd way. Haha. Ferguson/the Freak/Fergo, Queen Bea, Judy, Maxie, Lexie, Bobbie, Anne/Mrs. Reynolds/Renno, Lizzie, Myra, Rita, Cass, Meg/Mrs Morris...

Let the sunshine in

2004-10-27T22:16:00.000+02:00

I'm sitting here listening to Kristofer Åström's Loupita, lovely. Britta's backing vocals are great, like at Idiot Talk or The Wild. The sun has been shining today and that was even more lovely. When I finally made it outside it was almost setting, but that's another story. A story about my laziness lately. Woke up around eight this morning, by an sms from Hanna. Turned on the TV and watched Hovet perform their first single. It isn't much more than ok really but it was fun to see them, and especially enjoying the lovely Anna's voice.

Så som i himmelen

2004-10-27T01:32:00.000+02:00

I just got home from the cinema. Saw a great movie. A swedish one called Så som i himmelen. I don't think I will try to explain this right now because I just gave it a try while talking to my dutch friend and I made almost no sense, so. But it was a bout a conductor coming back to his childhood's village from a life as an international star. He wants to open people's hearts with his music, and eventually he starts working with the local church choir. All these people in this small village and what happens to them, kind of a classic theme. Still different though, and maybe a kind of religious undertone, yet not in the usual way. It's about daring, about love, about life and what to do about it. About living and being true to oneself. No, and it's not cheesy! Just when I thought that "this is just a little too much" it took another turn. And her voice...she has such a power in it. Her carachter's situation made me so angry. A woman, treated like shit by her husband. Abused. Made me draw parallells again. It can happen to anyone and I hate the fact that jealous men with control issues makes women feel so scared and worthless. So, now I've told you anyway...

Monday

2004-10-25T15:06:00.000+02:00

Woke up around eight because they were moving the lawn outside my house. Thank you very much. I think that is something they do early monday mornings. Went to sleep again. Woke up at eleven. Snooze, snooze, snooze... Ten past twelve an sms about sushi for lunch. "Sure", I answered. Said I would be there in ten minutes. Yeah right... Time optimist strikes again. It takes almost ten minutes just to go there by bike, and I wasn't even dressed. Anyway, twenty minutes and I was there. Sushi for breakfast...brunch?

I'm sitting here listening to Anna Ternheim. Again. And I'm having some problems with getting company to the gig with her and Winnerbäck. The enthusiasts can't or doesn't want to. The others think it's too expensive. So, I'm working on it since I've allready payed for the tickets.

"By the end of the day
I'm left only with my godless mind
On my way home again "

Anyway, I'm going to be a good student this week and hand in the quantitative home exam and the paper about the social taste. I have too. Have to concentrate on the essay from now on. Oh, and that african studies thing, when will I ever have time to do that one?

Three

2004-10-24T22:20:00.000+02:00

I think three people are reading this. I might be wrong. Maybe they had enough after the first post, haha.

So, currently I am tired and watching Sopranos. One of my neighbours decided to start drilling in the concrete wall a while ago. Nice project to start at ten in the evening. I am having problems hearing Carmela yelling at Tony.

Shit, I haven't done a thing today. Almost. I should maybe tidy the place up a little. And I will drop my danish friend a couple of lines.

Yeah.

Nostalgia

2004-10-23T17:18:00.000+02:00

I found this picture. Haven't looked on it for a while. It was kind of strange, but mostly in a good way. It was fun. But it feels so long ago.

Some wine

2004-10-22T01:27:00.000+02:00

So... Went to school around one to have a meeting to discuss the essay. I had handledning, and I haven't got the energy to find an English word. It doesn't really matter either. It went well anyway and I went home and did almost nothing for a couple of hours. Studied a little, talked to my mom on the phone about the new ministers in the government, ate a little and listened to some music. It started to rain heavily in time for my trip into town to watch some shortfilm. It's the international shortfilmfestival this week. So much film! So me and a friend thought that we at least should watch some of them. So we sacrificed a little bit of our sanity and got out in the pouring rain. All for some culture right? (We had allready bought the tickets). Some wine and a too expensive sandwich later we went to the films. It was pretty fun. One film was cancelled unfortunatly. But two were really good actually. When we stepped outside afterwards it had stopped raining and we went to have some more wine. I have really spent too much money this month, it kind of hurts when I think about it. But new month, new money (should be on my account right about now)...and new bills. Most of ot goes to pay bills.

I'm so sick on living on such a small amount of money. But it's just to realize that I'll probably never have much money. I'm studying sociology for fucks sake, haha! But a little more than those student loans would be good... Next semester will be even worse though...saved scholarship money. Extrajob? Ha! There are no jobs and I don't have the time if I'll be able to finish my degree. We have a good system in this country (with getting money and loans) compared to other countries, but it could still be better. The amount of money have been the same for like fifteen years or so, but it has gotten much more expensive to live. The rents have really gone up (and besides that it's really hard to find somewhere to live in the big university cities and in some of the fastgrowing smaller ones). Well, I'll be delivering some mail around christmas and I hope that I get that scholarship again. If I don't...well, Houston we have a problem.

Life

2004-10-21T01:02:00.000+02:00

The last two days I have more than once been reminded of how fragile life is. Not up close though, thank god. Yesterday that eightyearold and the woman got stabbed to death in the street of a city a couple of hours from here. I know some people there a little. They still haven't catched the guy who did it. Last night a truck with a drunk driver went in the wrong direction on the motorway. In 110 km/h he hit another car. The car flew away into a field and the woman inside it died immediatly. Then the truck went on and hit another car, the young family (parents in my age and two small kids, the youngest not even a month old) inside it burnt to death. It happened pretty close to where I know some people and I found out that the woman in the first car was a friend's best friend's mother. My friend was very close to her. An accident is an accident, but drunk driving is so fucking unnecessary, respectless and cruel!

But I actually had a pretty good day despite this and the fact that I didn't got any time to study because I slept too late. I had lunch with a friend and later another friend came to visit and we had dinner with a third friend and later the two of us went to a really great gig at a really nice place.

Goodnight!

Another day

2004-10-19T23:23:00.000+02:00

Another day has passed by. While I was still sleeping early this morning, on the street of another city an eight year old boy and a middleaged woman was brutally killed by a maniac with a knife. The police has still not found him.

This is certainly not the first time I am using the english language, but it's different to write a diary/journal like this. It's just better in Swedish, more personal. The english language has got a great deal of nuances and a lot of expressions that I like and that feels easy to use, but a personal text like this still kind of misses some nuances. Nuances that is missing because this language isn't really mine. References that I can't really use. I'm not complaining, I'm just...well maybe complaining a little.

It is really fall now. I was talking about the yellow leaves yesterday, but today I saw the first police control. They are checking the students' bikes for lights. It's really expensive to not have lights on the bike. It's kind of a sport to avoid the controls. Lights are important, but you know...my light doesn't work when it's really cold in the winter or when too much snow gets stuck around the wheels. And right now my back light doesn't work. I should get it fixed, I know. But today I was just happy that I had decided to take a walk into town.

I am tired now, and I got distracted.

Tired

2004-10-18T23:03:00.000+02:00

The rain is pouring down. I took the shortcut through the old cemetary today. I don't really know if it is a shortcut though, not if I have my bike. It goes quicker to go by bike around it than to walk through it. But nevermind. I like to walk there. It's just so beautiful, especially in the summer and fall. Today it was almost just yeallow leaves, that means that all the leaves will be gone soon. Even the ones on the ground. And then we have this boring weather for several months. Some snow will hopefully light things up in December...but eventually it'll be all slushy. I hate slush. I hate to get my shoes wet.

Where did this night disappear? I had plans on writing that fucking paper I should have finished two weeks ago, and I actually thought that I would get some time to check the SPSS outputs. I think I will just take a shower and then go to bed, maybe read a little. I love hot showers. It's kind of meditative (is that even a word?) and good for thoughts. And then it just feels good. The bad part is that I'm going to stand here at a point where I should allready be sleeping, drying my hair. I need a haircut. I need to shutup.

Why?

2004-10-18T21:36:00.000+02:00

So, here we go... The usual explanation to why. Why the creation of this? Well, I really don't know. I like to read other peopel's journals (eh, the public ones of course) and I like to write. I allready write journals at some other places from time to time. Communities that is. This might be a way to get rid of some of them.

And then...I was actually going to be a good student today. I really had to. But then, all of a sudden things like this seems much more important. I learned a new english word a while ago; procrastinate. Though I don't think I knew it before, I'm really familiar with it. If you know what I mean...

Once upon a time I wanted a homepage, but I'm not too good at, or interested in the programming part of it. So, communities and stuff like this functions like some kind of substitutes. And...I like that one can post photos. I'm planning on getting a digital camera for Christmas (or birthday, whatever). And I always promise myself that I will take better care of my photo interest.

So, why the English then? Ehh, I don't know who will be reading this yet. Since I write in Swedish in other places it could be fun to do it different this time. It opens up different opportunities. It also gives me a kind of a narcissistic and pathetic feeling actually.
We'll see what happens. In this very moment no one else besides me actually know it exists. Maybe that is for the better?

Anyway, this was my first rant and welcome to the freakshow. Not the totally freaked out kind though. In that case you'll get disappointed. But I'm not here to please you.